My apologies for the delayed post today.
Was entertaining guests this evening,
no time to write my own reflections.
So here is a somewhat longer letter from Liam.
The first time I had sex I was 17. I was sort of seeing this girl Leanne from my homeroom in highschool. I say sort of because I don’t think she really thought of me that way, but we spent most of our time together. We walked to school together almost every day. Home again, too. Spent lunch break together, working on homework and art projects and stuff. She was pretty with long black hair and pale skin. Her eyes were big and gorgeous green. She had a cleft palette when she was born, but she’d had a lot of surgeries to fix it by the time she was 16, so she just had a scar on her upper lip and a slightly crooked nose. Maybe a bit of a lisp. I thought it made her more exotic. I think she thought it made her ugly, which is why she never expected guys to think she was beautiful. She had a slim waist and a great big round butt, which I loved. It stuck out and wiggled back and forth when she walked. Her back was kinda swayed at the bottom, so the way her ass stuck out was a bit exaggerated, but I was 17. To me it was sexy. It was so hard to ignore that wonderful wiggling ass.
I can’t remember why, exactly, but she had to go to the store one lunch hour to buy something, and I volunteered to go along. Maybe I invited myself along, I don’t know. I sometimes think she was just being nice to me because I was a bit of a goof and awkward with the girls, but I like to think maybe she actually liked me because I was funny and smart when I got over being shy. She had had boyfriends before, but she was single at the time, and I was hoping that we’d end up becoming a couple. Anyway, we went and bought this thing, and we were walking through the parking lot back to her car, and it was a crowded parking lot, so I was walking behind her so I didn’t get run over. And I just stared at her butt the whole time. She must’ve glanced back and caught me looking, but I was 17. I figured it was the perfect crime, her having to watch for traffic, no way would she catch me. But she did.
The car ride back to the highschool was pretty quiet.
“You think my butt’s too big, don’t you?”
She sounded kind of angry. I was caught off guard, but she was clearly offended that I’d been staring. Must’ve caught me smirking and thought I was laughing at her or something. Boy was she wrong. I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.
“I always wanna touch it.”
I was in deep already. Might as well see how far this would go.
“It looks so round and soft. Sometimes I wish you would be naughty just so I could spank you.”
“Um… look, you asked. I shouldn’t have been staring, okay? I’m sorry. But I wasn’t laughing. I was admiring.” And then, as a sort of afterthought, I muttered, “Maybe daydreaming a little bit.”
The rest of the drive was spent in a kind of contemplative quiet, her mulling over the things I’d said, maybe wondering what to make of it, and me just staring out the window, wondering if I could put my foot in it any deeper. I wasn’t too upset. I’d never really had any chance with a girl before. This was the first time I’d ever admitted how I’d felt, though. My heart was pounding. I felt like maybe something should be happening, somehow this should have turned out different. But she was just quiet and distant and I felt like a bit of an idiot.
We had different classes that afternoon. I waited for her after school in the usual spot, and she didn’t show. I wandered home, punting a rock along most of the way. When I lost the rock I switched to a pinecone. I admit it. I was down. Like, really dejected. She must’ve thought I was your typical sex crazed dude now. I mean, I was, but usually I wasn’t so obvious about it.
My route home took my by her house, so I swung wide by a couple of blocks and hit the store for some cola on my way. Got home and sat around playing video games, drinking pop and feeling sorry for myself. When my buddy Don called I was ready for some activity, so I grabbed a hoodie and took off to meet him. We went into town to the coffee shop everyone always gathered at. It was open until midnight, great place to hang out. They sold used books there, and had boardgames and net access, and were friendly to large groups of teens. We spent a lot of time there. Don had gathered a good crowd, Ru and Sae and Mike and Ben and Betty… the twins, too, Bianca and Beth. Lots of B names in that crowd, now that I’m writing them down. But there was Jer, too, acting odd as usual, but getting lots of laughs. And Jean was there. She came right over for hugs and sat on my lap when I found a place at the couch. I put my arms around her and we cuddled close. She always knew when I was feeling low. Her and I were tight, had been for years. Funny how I never thought of her as a romantic option. We’d even shared a bed a few times, nearly naked, but somehow it just never seemed sexy or anything. She was cute enough, but… She was more like a sister to me. She was close to Leanne, too, and I sometimes thought she might secretly have a thing for her. I knew she was bi. I just didn’t know how bi, you know? Anyway, she was an odd girl, didn’t ever ask me for anything, but was always physically affectionate with me. I guess I’d always been really nice to her, affectionate without being aggressive like some other guys. Never pushed her for sex or touching or any of that. She was quiet and easy to be around. So I lost myself in her company and in the crowd. When Byron showed up the night really got started. That guy was brilliant, funny, tough and cool, always had something interesting on the go. He had Aden with him, and before long we were all down at the little airstrip in the middle of town, talking big philosophy and watching the stars. Byron had a couple joints, so we smoked a bit. I always started grinning and telling stories when I got high. People began to drift off as it got later. I lost track of who stuck around, caught up in a conversation with Byron. Eventually, must’ve been 1 am, I was getting cold (Jean wasn’t around keeping me warm anymore) and I made to go.
Couldn’t find the keys to my car. Tried all the doors. Locked. Damn. It was an hour walk to get home, and everybody with a car had already left. Double damn. The guys I’d offered a ride to all slugged me in the arm or gave me a shove, but it was friendly enough. We started trudging. One by one they all turned down streets that would lead them home. I was on my own, with a half hour to go. The rain started. I didn’t hurry my pace. I was lost in thought. Thinking about Leanne, thinking about how I’d told her I thought she was sexy, her ass was incredible, how I wanted to touch her. I might as well have told her how I fantasized about her naked, how some days I showed up early to pick her up on the way to school in the hopes she’d still be in the shower when I got there. Sometimes she was, and I’d sit in the den and wait. She’d walk by from the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around her and one in her hair.
“Hey, Liam,” she’d say. “Just be a minute.”
She was always more than a minute. I remember the time she left her door cracked open while she was changing. I got teasing glimpses of pale skin, but I was never sure what I’d been looking at. Still, that didn’t stop me from jacking off that night, thinking about her naked body. I always hoped it would happen again, that I’d be able to contrive some way of accidentally stumbling in on her. But that was a bit hopeless now.
The rain suited my mood. When I neared my house, I realized I didn’t have keys to get in. They were on the same ring as my car keys. I didn’t feel like breaking in. My dad was the type to call the cops, even after he saw it was me. And I really didn’t feel like waking up my folks and explaining to them what I was doing out in the rain at 2 in the morning. Especially when I’d told them I’d be staying the night at Don’s. They probably figured I was a good boy and I’d been in bed right at 10 pm. So what to do?
I wandered around for a while, getting thoroughly soaked, feeling miserable, considering the merit of waiting for sunrise and weighing it against waking up my parents. When I looked up from staring at my squishing shoes as I slouched along, I saw a light on in the window of Leanne’s house, and I realized where my traitor feet had taken me. But then I figured, why not? In my current state I’d at least get a little sympathy. Maybe it would be enough to get some forgiveness for the things I’d said earlier. And lucky me, the light was on in her window. I wandered over and peeked inside. Through the gauzy curtains I could see she was sitting in bed, reading. I didn’t know what time it was anymore, but it must have been well past 3.
I tapped on the window. She started and glanced up. Got out of bed, slowly, and pulled the curtain aside. When she saw my face in the glow of her bedside lamp, she pointed to the side of the house with the carport. I understood, and went to wait by the basement entrance there. She left her room and moved through the den to let me in.
“Hey. You’re soaked. Come in, but be quiet. My mom’s still awake.”
Her too? What was with these women?
“What are you doing here?”
“Lost my keys. Had to walk home from town, and couldn’t get into my house. Thought I’d gamble on waking you rather than pissing off my parents.”
She stared at me, a strange frown on her face.
“Uh, look,” I continued, “I just need a place to sit and dry out, maybe a cup of tea. When the sun comes up I’ll go home and make up some excuse about having a fight with Don. I don’t want to bother you.”
She took me by the hand and led me into the bathroom, which was across the hall from her room.
“Take off your clothes,” she said matter of factly.
“You’re soaked. Take off your clothes. I’ll get you a robe.”
I stripped and wrapped a towel around my waist. I was freezing, and there was no way my shriveled dick was going to embarrass me by jumping to attention, even naked in front of the girl I liked. I was too tired and too cold to even think about that, really. Well, maybe not that cold and tired. But close.
She came back and tossed me a white terry cloth robe. I put it on, cinched it tight, and followed her into her room after letting the towel fall.
She had a large room. It took up most of the basement, and had an actual fireplace at the far end, with a wide stone hearth. She was sitting on the hearth, loading wood into the fireplace. I went and gave her a hand getting the fire started. Then she left me sitting there, warming up and drying out, while she went upstairs. I heard a murmured conversation, and then the floor creaking and the closing of a door at the far end of the upstairs hallway. Her mom finally going to bed, I guessed.
Leanne came back with two mugs of hot chocolate, loaded with little marshmallows. We sat in companionable silence and drank, and I sighed with contentment as the cold and damp eased away. Along with it, my worries began to slip away. I could tell she wasn’t upset with me over earlier. So I just stared into the fire, and was happy to be silent.
I must have nodded off, because I don’t remember her getting up. But she took the cocoa mug from my hand and led me to the bed. She patted it, and I climbed on, sitting somewhat awkwardly in my robe. I didn’t want to lay down on her bed. It was too much of a reminder of the way I’d crossed the line earlier. I was beginning to wake up, and I was feeling way out of my depth here.
She pushed me back on the bed. She turned out the bedside lamp, and I saw her backlit by the light from the bathroom across the hall. Her curves were starkly visible beneath the thin nightgown she wore, which looked like a pale halo floating down from her shoulders. She took a deep breath, and let her nightgown drop to the floor. I heard it slither across her skin. The darkness of her pubic hair was a tempting shadow beneath the pale curve of her belly. I wanted to reach into that shadow and see what I would find.
She climbed onto the bed and knelt beside me. She reached down and gently spread the robe, revealing me in all my skinny glory. I felt self conscious and more than a little nervous, but my cock knew what to do. It was standing almost before she touched it. When her cool hands closed around it, it came fully alert in an instant. The jolt it sent through me! She stroked me a few times, experimentally.
“You’re bigger than I thought you’d be,” she said.
“You… wondered… ?” I managed.
“Well, yeah… after I’d had time to think about what you said… I realized… you’ve always kind of liked me.” She nodded to herself, then looked over at my face. “Haven’t you?” she added quickly, suddenly unsure of herself.
“You have no idea,” I whispered.
That seemed to decide her. She swung a long, graceful leg over me, and used her grip on my penis to guide me into the gap hidden below that nest of dark curls. She was wet, and warm, and it was so unexpectedly pleasant to be inside her that, one, two, three strokes of her slick folds and I came inside her. I barely had time to gasp and it was over.
She ceased her gyrations when she noticed me getting soft.
“Already?” she pouted.
It was not good for my frail self esteem.
“Shit… no, I… are you gonna get pregnant?”
“I’m on the pill, relax.”
I fell back on her pillows and stared at the ceiling. What a disaster. I could feel myself going soft already. She knelt there with her hands on my stomach and watched me for a few minutes, and then she climbed off the bed. With a tug on my hand she guided me to the bathroom, where she started the shower. Now that I was seeing her nudity in full light, I felt arousal stir again. A slight tremor of possibility caused my limp cock to twitch. With her back to me, she never noticed. She was leaning into the shower to adjust the temperature of the water. I let my eyes wander over her body, settling finally on that glorious full moon ass. Slowly, my cock began to harden.
“Let’s get cleaned up and go to bed,” she said, then squealed as I pushed her into the shower. The curtain snapped closed behind us and I pressed her against the wall, kissing her clumsily, passionately. I covered her neck in kisses, let my lips caress her collar bone, cupped her breasts and shoved them into my mouth. I didn’t now what I was doing, but I knew I wanted to do it all. I sucked and licked and squeezed, caressed her sides, gripped her big firm butt. I’d read a few porn magazines. I knelt in the warm spray of the shower, and put my face in her crotch. She gasped in surprise, then laughed when it became evident I was having trouble finding something worth licking. She hadn’t ever shaved, and she was rather furry.
“Lower,” she said, and I obeyed.
I found her vagina and let her smell envelope me. I tasted her wetness and my own failure. It spurred me on. Half guided by her sounds and whispered commands, half instinctively, I gave oral sex for the first time, and I loved it. The way she moved her hips and pushed into my face. The musky scent of her, the taste on my tongue, the slippery tunnel I slid my fingers into, the beautiful wet skin and warm mounds of flesh I could touch and squeeze.
When I stood up again, I was hard as a rock, and she returned the favor by going down on me. She stroked me and swallowed it down her throat until her lips bumped my balls. Her fingers tickled the underside of my scrotum. She bobbed her head and licked and sucked and I got harder and harder. The sight of her, young and perky and soaking wet, hair dripping, skin flushed and beaded with moisture, the spray splashing over her curves, it was too much. I came again, never thinking to warn her. She made no sound of protest, swallowed it all, licked the residue from my shaft and stroked me until more came out and she licked and swallowed that too.
We finished showering. We took our time, running our hands over each others bodies in eager exploration. We soaped each other up and washed each other’s hair. We touched and talked and laughed. We went to bed, and we lay in a tangle, hands never laying still, fingers tracing ticklish lines of pleasure over one another’s skin. I bathed her head to toe with my tongue, kissed every inch of her, got right down close to her vagina and opened her wide and examined the way she was built while asking questions and loving her every giggling answer. I fingered her to another climax, the whole time asking over and over what felt nice, where to touch her, how, when, why?
She taught me so much in those hours, and as the sun came up I was stiff and aching and she lay back and spread her legs for me. I slid inside her with relief, feeling the slippery grip of her pussy ease the ache with that first stroke, finding my rhythm, letting her guide me with her words and her hands until I came again.
“Don’t stop,” she begged me, “I’m so close!”
So even as I came, and the pleasure overwhelmed me, I gritted my teeth and kept plunging my cock in and out of her, harder now, faster, striving to get her there before I went limp and loose again. It didn’t take long. Her eyes went wide as she stared into my eyes, she bit her lip and she clawed my back. She arched as her orgasm took her, shaking and turning red until finally she was able to gasp in a breath.
We collapsed in a heap. She cradled my head against her breasts and stroked my hair. I nuzzled her and gave her little kisses and playful bites. Her mom’s footsteps on the stairs nearly went unnoticed. At the last moment, as her mother came around the corner, I rolled off of Leanne’s warm soft body to the side opposite the doorway, and she snapped the bedsheets up and over me. Blinded by the light from the bathroom, her mother peered into the darkness of the bedroom.
I held my breath. Leanne ignored her.
“Leanne? Who are you talking to?”
“Huh? Wha?” Her sleepy mumble deserved an Oscar.
“I heard you with someone,” her mom accused. Thank god there was only the lamp by the bed, and no overhead light she could lean in and switch on.
“Mom, go away. I’m trying to sleep. You’re ruining a wonderful dream.”
I felt like I was going to burst. I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.
The silence stretched.
She turned and walked away. We heard her stomp upstairs and slam the door to her room.
Relief flooded over us. We whispered and laughed and didn’t get any sleep that night. When the sun came up, I put on the clothes that had been drying by the fire, and left by the garage door. I made my way home, feeling very good indeed.
*Image from Internet*