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Had to share this one, since it’s a quickie, and it made me laugh.
It’s good to be reminded that sometimes sex is ridiculous, awkward, and embarrassing.
Laugh it off, though. There will be other opportunities!
I have spectacular semen. It’s pretty incredible stuff. For example, I wrote this letter with it. Neat, huh? It can work like glue, too, and fix rust spots on the car. I once used it to spackle a hole in the wall after a crazy house party I wasn’t supposed to have when my parents were away, and they never even noticed the repair! A quick wank against the wall, spread that mysterious mud around, and voila!
But I’m not writing to brag about all the amazing things my special splooge is capable of. Use your imagination, and you could probably think of a few things I haven’t even tried yet. No, I’m writing because as wonderful as my lovely lava is, it’s gotten me into trouble a few times, and I’d like to tell you about one time in particular.
It was the summer after grad, I was single, and like most of my generation, feeling pretty apathetic about finding a job or pursuing more schooling at a college or university. I decided what I really needed was a roadtrip, so I got some buddies and some beer together, and over the course of an evening by the lake I outlined my plan. Everyone was into it, an epic hitchhike across the country, see the sights, live a little, experience life, you know? But surprise surprise, over the following weeks it all sorta fell apart. This guy couldn’t afford it, that guy couldn’t get permission, blah blah.
But wonder of wonders, one girl stuck with the plan. Just me and this one girl. She said, “Let’s do it, man. I wanna live a little before I gotta start college. I don’t wanna feel like I’ll be in school forever.”
So we did it. We left notes for our folks, and just took off into the wild blue yonder. Following our thumbs to our destiny, wherever it might be.
Well, the beauty of hitching with a cute redhead is you never have to wait long for a ride. The problem is, you get picked up by some real sleezebags. I’d make a point of sitting in the middle, if I could, to keep between her and the scum, or taking the front when she could have the back to herself. She noticed what I was doing, called me a gentleman, and the third night into our trip, sitting on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, nothing but cornfields for miles, she pulled me off the road and she showed me her appreciation. “Hey, let’s have a quickie in the cornfield!” she said.
Hers was a spicy appreciation, I’ll say that much. Piquante! Now, I’d never made it with a redhead before, so it was the first time my special brand of sauce had interacted with eau de roux. So picture us there, in the middle of a cornfield, stars sparkling in the sky, her knees around her ears and me thrusting away like an olympic fencer. We reach that climactic moment, the theme music from A Space Odyssey is playing, here it comes, dunnn, dunnnnn, DA DAAAA!!! I whip it out to shoot my load on her perky little tits. Only I’ve pulled a rainbow dragon out of her cootch, and it’s shooting bolts of indigo lightning.
The cornfield catches on fire, whoof, and she’s scrambling for cover, and I’m clutching Puff The Magic Dragon and trying to aim him at the ground. He wriggles out of my grasp and takes to the starry skies. I’m beginning to think something I ate is disagreeing with me. There’s some psychadelic stuff going on here. Never mind my cock flying away, little red is hopping around like a bunny, and our clothes have all stood up like they’re full of people made of air and run off into the cornfield. Which is still on fire. The heat leads me to believe that much is real.
Well, what can ya do? I toss the girl over my shoulder and make for the highway. There are sirens in the distance, but it’s going to be a while before they get all the way out here. Probably wise to take cover somewhere and lay low until things calm down.
There’s a little stand of trees a mile down the road on the opposite side, the kind farmers put in the middle of their fields for some reason. It’s a bit of a strain carrying this crazy ginger so I put her down and ask her if she can make it there. I promise her carrots. Man, that girl can hop!
From the cover of the trees we watch the firemen do their thing. The blaze glows some strange colors before it’s contained, but contain it they do. So now we have to figure out how to get back my penis, find new clothes, recover our gear, and get on with the roadtrip.
Part one turns out to be pretty easy. My little dragon comes back before too long all on his own. He crawls up my butt and pokes his head out the front and bam, just like that, he looks more or less normal. Okay, clothes. Well, I can’t see any other solution, so I whack off a wondrous wad and start weaving. It ain’t going to look like much, but it’ll do. While I’m at it I spill some seed on the ground, and a few carrots sprout. Funny bunny seems content to stick around and snack.
By the time we’re dressed she’s acting a bit more normal. The sun’s on its way up, and we have a long hike ahead of us. This isn’t a busy road. Our gear is where we left it. Thankfully the fire didn’t spread much, and we were doing our thing a ways from where we dumped our stuff. We change out of our (incredibly cumfortable; this stuff is really amazing!) clothes into something more appropriate for walking.
Now, I can’t explain what happened, but my theory is it had something to do with redhead girl-squirt having a strange effect on my otherwise very beneficial and easily controlled magic mixture. My lady friend had recovered enough by this point to wonder when I had managed to slip her some acid. Suspicious looks from a redhead can actually burn, did you know that? That’s free advice, so look out! Anyway, it didn’t take long for her to decide she was catching a bus back home, so long and thanks for the delicious cum carrots! I tried to convince her it was my mystic mojo that made the midnight madness happen, but she wouldn’t believe it, even after I pulled out my magic wand to show her what I could do. Matter of fact, that’s when she screamed and ran.
Well, fine. I was determined to enjoy my roadtrip, alone if I had to. There was bound to be companionship somewhere on down the line. Just not redhead companionship. I think I would hold off on the redheads for a while. A little too fiery, too unpredictable. Blondes, now, blondes are nice. A bubbly bundle of fun. Brunettes, too. Bold and beautiful. But standing there, contemplating who I might meet, the adventures I might have, I was sad to see that gorgeous little redhead go, and maybe a little bit frightened. It’s a great big world out there, and it can be daunting to go it alone.
So that’s my story! You’ll be pleased to know it’s 100% true. By way of proof I’ve included a small jar of my pearly penis power, along with a single silk-wrapped pube from a redheaded hooker I paid $10 to let me pluck one out. Mix at your own risk, but don’t forget the safety goggles!